Big Questions for Big Views

Oh hey, welcome! I haven't had someone in the passenger seat yet this trip. You picked a good spot to hop in, no music right now. Yeah, T Mobile decided their users didn't need reception in pretty much the entire state of Wyoming. That's ok though, I feel like it'd be irreverent driving through Yellowstone even a little distracted by music.

Now I know what you're thinking: "What's the gimmick for this one? Is it like I'm in the car with him and he's talking directly to me?"

And you'd be right my astute reader. But I was hoping you'd also take on a more involved role this time. As we stop at different places – my choice of course, you're just along for the ride – how about you ask me questions? I find staring at big open spaces, cool green things and rocks to be quite thought provoking. Ah look, this looks like it'll be our first stop, go ahead, ask away!

Isn't this a tourist destination? Aren't you breaking the rules you made up here?

This, is a river. It's probably an important river, I'm not sure which one though. But you're right, Yellowstone is a tourist destination and I am being a tourist here. I've decide that it's fine since I'm fairly convinced no one actually lives in Wyoming. We haven't see a single house in this entire state yet (note from the future: we never will). Not that we were looking very hard, but still. Not really sure what else there is to do out here and I don't know anyone who would be able to point us in the right direction. Plus going to Yellowstone was always something I wanted to do.

I never really traveled for fun before this. Growing up if my family took a big trip somewhere there was always a reason for it. Usually to see relatives or for a Bible Quiz Meet – not enough space to explain that here, sorry. When we did travel, we would always find something fun to do in the area, but I realized I had never really gone somewhere just to go there. Maybe that's part of why I'm doing this in general. Anyways, it's getting kinda hot here, let's get back in the car with the AC and see what else is around.

What are all these people doing here?

Right? It's so crowded and it smells like rotten eggs. Why do people put up with this? I think all these people are more or less just like us. They wanted to see Yellowstone. The neat thing about this place is there really isn't anything else to do other than wander around and look at stuff. There's no other events going on, everyone has to stick to the same road and paths, you can't even really buy things – well, there's gift shops, but they're pretty far and few between.

These people are here to experience nature. To appreciate it, take it in. Or maybe not all of them. See those guys over there? They just keep taking pictures.

Let's talk about taking travel pictures for a minute. I'm sure you think I'm a hypocrite; judging these people for just taking pictures while I'm over here snapping my own. But here's my take on it: Taking pictures while traveling should be an afterthought. You should be in the moment and have enjoyed the moment then think "Hmm, it'd be cool if I had something I could look back on and tie to this memory I'm creating." BOOM! You found the moment when to take a picture. Not, "Alright we made it to this thing, get the picture so we can go to the other thing."

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but not if you devalue it by taking too many of them. Then they're only worth like a few hundred, or one long winded blog post...

And let me clarify, I'm not saying my view on this is completely right. Sometimes I look at posts of my friends' Instagrams of a trip we took and go "Well shoot, that's really well documented and captured awesome moments I would've probably eventually forgotten. I should be taking more pictures."

So there's a balance somewhere in there. Just haven't figured it out yet.

The family next to us just keep arguing. Yikes. Ok, I think we're good here, let's move on.

Do you ever get lonely?

Sometimes, but not very often. Actually, the times in my life where I've felt the most lonely has been when I'm around other people.

How's that possible?

Let me explain.

You know when you're talking to someone, maybe you're telling them about your day, a story or whatever and their eyes kinda glaze over. In that moment you realize you could probably trail off with whatever you were saying without finishing and they wouldn't notice. Or you're at a social gathering and you're talking to someone who was paying attention, but a nearby conversation piques their interest and they start angling themselves more and more toward them while half-hearted nodding at you.

Those are the moments when I've felt most lonely. Not because I'm by myself, but the people with me decide in that moment that I'm not worth their time.

Sorry, got a little sidetracked there... You probably just meant during this trip. And to answer that question, no. I think it's important for everyone to be able to have fun by themselves. I found out I thoroughly enjoy driving long distances with cool scenery and my own mix of wildly different tunes that don't belong anywhere near each other. And while I normally like to be around other people as much as I can, having long stretches of time to recharge and process has been really good for me.

Good question though! You're starting to get the hang of this, keep 'em coming.

Are you happy?

That's a tricky one. Right now, absolutely. This is exactly where I want to be: Standing here, staring at this stick in the super hot water, nothing to worry about for at least another week. But I can't just make that feeling last forever or even for a very extended period of time.

Happiness is just one of a wide range of emotions. Granted, it's one that I, and I think everyone else, values higher than the rest and try to seek it out whenever we can. But it's one that comes and goes. I do have somewhat of a hot take on the topic of happiness:

I think people generally know what makes them happy, they just choose not to do it.

Hang on, don't push me in the stinky, hot water yet. I think the fact of the matter is that the things that make us the most happy require the most work and/or other less desirable emotions to come before it.

Let's use this trip as an example. I'm definitely having the most fun I've ever had and I couldn't be happier. But before this moment came several thousand dollars of repairs to my car, a surprising amount of planning for a trip where I was hoping to not really have a plan, and enough random construction zones followed by little towns with dumb speed limits to piss me off a little. All that was hard and generally not enjoyable, but pushing through brought me here. The issue is I generally don't have the capacity to push through stuff like that all the time to achieve the level of happiness I'm experiencing now.

Happiness usually doesn't just happen upon you and sometimes the work you know you have to put in to attain it doesn't feel worth it.

Why do we keep stopping at all these random places?

Because we can. It's not just about Old Faithful – we'll get there eventually, don't worry. When are we ever going to see a view like this again? Or a big stick/dead small tree standing upright in hot smelly water? Exactly, we might not ever see any of that again.

I guess this is an attitude we can apply to familiar places and people too. Taking in as much as we can and really appreciating what's in front of us. I'll be the first to admit I'm not very good at that when it comes to the familiar.

Alright, let's get moving... oh now you wanna stay longer?

Did you go on this road trip to find yourself?

Boooooo for unoriginal question! People keep asking me this. Some before, some during (note from the future: even more ask after). But the short answer is no.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to go on this road trip in the first place. I knew I wanted to go somewhere I've never been and when this idea popped in my mind I knew I had to do it. It was dumb and cheap enough that 19-year-old senior in college me could get away with it.

Part of me is worried that this is the last time I could do something like this again. People older than me keep insisting that life moves fast as you age and this is the last summer before I graduate. There's an expectation for me to enter the real world with a job and responsibilities next year around this time. Come school year of Fall 2021 through Spring 2022 I'm supposed to be an editor in chief for the school's paper and residential assistant for freshmen. I definitely needed one more chance to escape from everything before then.

But I didn't start this trip with any big questions I was searching for answers for or some deep character flaw I was hoping to resolve. If I find something out about myself along the way that's great, but I wouldn't say I'm looking. Now c'mon, we're almost at Old Faithful...

Is it worth the wait?

Shhhh! It's happening! Wait till it's over!

...

Ok, where were we?

Is it worth the wait?

No fair, you stole that one from the lady that asked us earlier. Let's start with her question: "Is it worth the wait?"

To that I say, "Are you kidding me? You can't wait 45 minutes for the next time Old Faithful does it's thing? Who do you think you are?"

I know, I know, I didn't actually say that. But I'm pretty sure my dumbfounded look with "Uhhhh I would say so," carried about the same meaning.

But seriously, what was her game plan if she decided she didn't want to wait that long? Just go back to the car and drive away? Who does that? Imagine people asking her about her trip to Yellowstone and her saying "Yeah it was cool, didn't see Old Faithful though. I would've had to wait like 45 minutes, it was kinda hot out and the bench was uncomfortable."

To answer your question in a much broader sense: No, sometimes it's not worth the wait.

Waiting in line for an hour and a half to get good seats for Star Wars VII is not worth the wait, good seats just means a better view for a bad movie.

Pulling an all-nighter parked outside of a food truck loading area on a Sunday night is not worth the wait, they're closed Mondays.

Deciding later instead of now is a better time to take seriously something you know you need to do is not worth the wait, later somehow always stays firmly in the future.

Sticking with or waiting for that person because you just know they'll change is not always worth the wait, sometimes people don't change.

But the 45 minutes of sitting and waiting for Old Faithful to do it's geyser thing was absolutely worth the wait.

Wanna race to the car? The long line that's about to form to get out of the huge parking lot is most definitely not worth the wait.

What now?

Hmph. I don't know. Well, Colorado is next on the schedule so I guess that after we're done here.

But what do we do with all this that happened today?

You're right, that was a lot. I'm going to take some time to process it for sure. And I want to remember it. I can see the memories made in Yellowstone being a happy place for me. Like when I need a pick-me-up or reminder that life is still pretty cool sometimes and full of wonder I can look back all this and smile.

But this is now. I have no idea where this is aside from a little south of the outside of the park and have no clue what we're looking at, but it's so peaceful and perfect. I don't want to leave, I don't want to look away, I don't want to blink.